Akpos meets Donald Trump

​American President, Donald Trump decided  to paint the White House and hence availed the project for contractors worldwide to send in their bid.

A Chinese contractor bided 3,000 USD,

An European contractor says he will need 7,000 USD for the job;
Akpos, an African contractor who is based mainly in Ghana and Nigeria says he will take 10,000 USD.

Each of the contractors was asked to give details of their budget.

Below is their budget breakdown:

Chinese:    500 USD for painting materials; 2,000 USD to pay my workers and 500 USD as my workmanship -I will hire 4 people.

European: 5,000 USD for painting materials, equipment/machinery; 1,000 USD for the machine operator and 1000 USD as my workmanship.

Akpos: (He whispered into the president’s ear)- I will give you Donald Trump, 4,000 USD;  I will take 3,000 USD as workmanship and give the remaining 3,000 USD to the Chinese to complete the project.

Trump was confused. 🙂 🙂

Akpos pastor with ‘pako’ prayers

Akpos’ pastor added him on facebook and he innocently accepted.

Two minutes later his message came in:

Pastor: How are you?

Akpos: I’m fine, my daddy.

Pastor: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May God slash you with the axe of life

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May God stab you with the knife of riches

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family

Akpos (no reply)

Pastor: Are you there?

Akpos: Yes, my daddy

Pastor: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings.

Akpos: Ok, May the over-speeding trailer of blessings jam and crush you and your family. May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. May the sea of miracles drown you and your family members in Jesus’ name.

Pastor: (no reply)

Akpos: You should be saying ‘Amen’ to claim these prayers

Pastor: May thunder fire you! Idiot!

Classic Prostitute

Akpos stopped at a bar after work to have a drink. He started talking to a girl even though he is married, he thought she is so fine that he agreed to go to her place.

When he got to her place, he found out that she is a prostitute and that she wanted 5,000 Naira.

“Forget it,” Akpos said, “You never told me you were a prostitute. But I do have 500 Naira with me, will you take that?”

“You won’t get any decent prostitute for that amount,” she replied.

She threw him out.

Later that night, Akpos and his wife went out for dinner. While they were eating, the same prostitute who happened to be eating there too recognised Akpos.

She came up to him and said, “See, I told you. Look at the kind of trash you picked up for #500.

The wife was like ‘wat can I do ooo,bottle no dey around’

Please advice her 2ru comments

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Top quotes

1. “Some women’s legs are like rumors, they just keep on spreading”

2. “It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days because each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire”.

3. “If you are ugly; you are ugly – stop talking about inner beauty because we don’t walk around with X-rays”

4. “Dear sister, don’t be deceived by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s raining. You are not an umbrella”

5. “It’s better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn’t even drill it herself.”

6. “Some of you girls can’t even jog for 5 minutes but expect a guy to last in bed with you for Continue reading

Akpos $500 dept

Akpos went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbour owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer.

“Nope,” replied Akpos

“OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer.

“But it’s only $500,” replied Akpos

“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your Proof!”

http://www.myvicsky.com for more

Best marriage answers!

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife:Wife: You smell of woman’s perfume; where did u get it?

Akpos: From the woman I was squeezed with in the taxi.

Wife: What about d lipstick on your mouth?

Akpos: Oo that one? I got it from Sandra whom I was congratulating for passing her exam.

Wife: What about the used condoms in your pocket? Continue reading

Naija Hustle

1.That moment wen your phone battery is 3%,
seeing your landlord upload a pic with His
family on Facebook and you quickly try to
comment “Kul People” but auto correct
changed it to “Cult People” just before your
battery went off
See!!! Don’t bother trying to explain, just find another house…
2.I wonder why some girls will stop in the middle of a hot romance just to ask, “so do u truly luv me?” 😏😏😏
My sister what answer do you expect from a horny brother 😂😂😂
3.You think you know all colours until Yoruba people start sending
you wedding invitation
You’ll see something like this: Acid Green on Fushia Purple with
little touch of … Ojuelegba blue.
Bride’s family to wear Cockroach Brown with Custard Yellow.
Groom’s family; Jollof Yellow with Fufu White.
Friends; Coconut White with Agama Lizard Head.
While all other guests should wear Pomo Brown on Alligator
Pepper Green with a touch of Onion Purple and Maggi Yellow.
4.people will be doing “is that one this,is that one that”
thats how they will do when trumpet blow,they will say “trumpet that blow and left me behind,is that one trumpet??
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😆😆😆
5.I was shocked at the ATM 2day. After
withdrawing money, the ATM asked me
‘Anything for your boy’? I fainted
6.That awkward moment when a 5’star Hotel attendant tells you Bottle of Coke is N1500
You will be Like !😳🙆😡😳
“I mean Coke, Asin the Mineral type.. Not Alcoholic one ” i mean the normal coke dat looks like Pepsi
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
7..My fear for weed
Started when I saw
My friend’s father dabbing
For Don moen’s song
8.In Hollywood
Merlin will just say two words and a fire
breathing dragon will appear. 
In Nollywood
ike mbe of amadioha shrine will recite a
whole book of incantations (280 pages)
just to off candle
Then he will tell you to bring the
following
– 8 virgin rats
– 10 married ants
– 3 pregnant mosquitoes
– 2 lesbian hens
To appease the Gods
naija i respect una hustle…

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How to know if you are insane

1- If you think Buhari will win 2019 presidential election,
You are Insane.

2- If you think Lil Wayne wears a fake wristwatch or you think Nicki Minaj is a virgin, You are insane.

3- You know you have no airtime on your phone account balance and you dial a number, You are so insane.

4- You date a girl for a year but you don’t know her surname, You are seriously insane.

5- You own a private Car and Iphone7 and you are still paying a room house rent, You don craze finish.

6- You heard the prayer “GOD BLESS NIGERIA” but you Continue reading

Evidence to buy thingd

Akpos: I want to buy dog food?
Seller: do u have a dog?
Akpos: yes
Seller: where is it?
Akpos: At home.
seller: sorry i cant sell to u unless i see the dog first,that’s our policy.

The next day
Akpos: do u have cat food?
Seller: where is your cat?
Akpos: it is at home.

seller: sorry,i thought i told you the last time that we don’t sell anything to anybody unless we see the prove first because that is our policy.

Two days later Continue reading

The Dumbest Police Calls in America…

 

From the police blotter, or, what a beat

cop deals with every day:

• A deputy responded to a report of a

vehicle stopping at mailboxes. It was the

mail carrier.

• A woman said her son was attacked by a

cat, and the cat would not allow her to

take her son to the hospital.

• A resident said someone had entered

his home at night and taken five pounds

of bacon. Upon further Continue reading